Nintendo Embraces Online Gaming

[Obviously an April Fools Joke. Nintendo still hates the internet.]
In a Nintendo Press Conference held today with Nintendo of America COO, Reggie Fils-Aime, it was revealed that Nintendo is regretting their limited integration of online features into their games. Fils-Aime says:

"We've seen the market for online gaming growing exponentially and, in the interest of maintaining our position of being an innovative, cutting edge industry leader, we will be reinventing the Nintendo brand to embrace the online market rather than avoid it."

Some changes Reggie goes on to mention include:
•The abolition of "Friend Codes" for a more user-friendly Xbox Live interface.
•Online multiplayer for all First-Party and Virtual Console games, including ones that have already been released via updates.
•Voice chat compatible with all previously released and future games via a microphone attachment to the Wiimote.
•DLC including new minigames for Wario Ware: Smooth Moves, new levels for Super Mario Galaxy and new playable characters for SSBB - including one that Reggie would only say is a "diminutive blue-clad android who fights simplistically named robots, doctors and, occasionally, people named after greek letters with an arm cannon."

Video of Reggie's full appearance can be found here.

Reviewbot: Super Smash Bros Brawl (Wii)

Writing a review on Super Smash Bros Brawl at this point is like putting up a Firefly fansite littered with “I Support Ron Paul” banner ads. It isn’t exactly something I would say that internet is severely lacking, but I’m compelled to throw my proverbial hat into the overflowing sea of Brawl fanboydom anyway. So, before I mix further metaphors, let us delve into what will probably prove to be the most popular game of 2008 and possibly of the Wii's entire lifespan.

It’s worth mentioning the genius hype machine that is the Smash Bros Brawl Dojo website. Every single piece of information on this game was listed months before the game launched and was slowly meted out, piece by grueling piece, to the gaming public. The information ranged from the mundane (You say Mario is going to be in it? Astounding.) to the truly exciting (Sonic is in it?! HOLY FRIGGING CRAP – MY CHILDHOOD IS OFFICIALLY COMPLETE!) and made sure to keep legions of nerds waiting with baited breath until the game’s release and even enticing stragglers and people who wouldn’t have cared nearly as much if it weren’t being played up as the only videogame of any value that will surely make all other videogames look like worthless garbage.

Just about everything from Smash Bros Melee has found its way over to Brawl, including Classic Mode, Multi-Man Brawl, Tournament mode, etc. and they all remain virtually unchanged from the predecessor, changed only in that they now have more characters and more items - including Assist Trophies and Final Smashes. Assist Trophies can be collected like any other item and used immediately to summon a character that will assist you in battle. The Trophies can be helpful, like Andross or Excitebikers, to annoying for you and everybody else, like Nintendogs and Mr. Resetti who both obscure the screen's viewing area.

One of the newest and most important things Brawl brings to the table is an Adventure mode that doesn't feel completely tacked on. The Subspace Emissary adventure is much more in depth than the Melee Adventure Mode and adds a storyline that joins all Nintendo characters - good and evil - together to fight a new, evil third party, the titular Subspace Emissary. Despite being written by Kazushige Nojima, known for his work on Final Fantasy VII among other games, the storyline feels like it could have just as easily been written by Mad Lib.

"Nintendo Character and Nintendo Character were brawling at the Stadium when Female Nintendo Character That Isn't Samus Aran is kidnapped by Low-rent Kingdom Hearts villain. When trying to rescue her, our heroes run into Nintendo Character in place."

Aside from a somewhat weak, but not entirely terrible, storyline is Subspace a good addition to the game? Definitely. Would it work as a stand alone game - no. Not one up to Nintendo's usually high First-party standards, anyway.

Another much needed addition to Brawl is online play. Nintendo's online play is much like a mug of homemade hot cocoa brought to you by your mother while you play outside in a blustery, snowy winter day. A welcome and desperately needed addition to a day that was already filled with youthful mirth. Friend codes, unfortunately, ruin this glee and, continuing with the wintery metaphor, it's much like after you've excited yourself for the delicious warmth of the hot cocoa your mother says "I tried to scoop as much cat piss out of the mug as I could. I probably got most of it." and ruins what would have otherwise been a high point of your day.

Sparing you another overly abstract analogy I will also say that, so far, the online play is, for lack of a better word, broken, only allowing me to connect to somebody about 4 times of the approximately 20 times I've tried. Even then, human opponents are unceremoniously replaced with computer-controlled opponents if they drop out so it's feasible that I've never played against another living person online since I purchased the game. They haven't exactly proven to be big proponents of online multiplayer in the past, but hopefully Nintendo makes an exception this time and takes the necessary steps to correct SSBB's wifi issues.

Brawl's other new features are much too numerous to go into great detail over all of them but, quickly, they include Boss Battle Mode and All Star Mode in which you select one character to defeat all the Subspace Emissary Bosses or Brawl Combatants, respectively, getting only three heart containers that you can use between matches to replenish your life. Rotation mode is a new mode that, essentially, just tells other players in the room that it is their turn when somebody loses.

Brawl remains true to the theme that keeps players coming back and playing the game for days, weeks and even years - the collection of worthless trinkets, sundries and baubles. And when it comes to self-referential knick-knacks, I assure you, Brawl delivers with several hundred different trophies and stickers to collect from what must be every Nintendo franchise in history (even the unpopular and oft forgotten ones). Of course, what is collecting stickers and trophies if you can't show them off? The correct answer is "Dignified" but Brawl has decided that would be boring and has added Diorama Mode which allows you to choose 4 trophies, place them in front of the background of your choice and shoot a picture. Similarly, you can also arrange stickers in your album and take a picture of that. I personally only use the in-game snapshots for lurid Princess Peach upskirts, but to each his own I guess.

Brawl represents exactly where Smash Bros had to go as a franchise and delivers a very satisfying sequel, introducing a slew of new characters, fun new game modes, improving older modes that desperately needed it(Adventure Mode) and leave game elements that really didn't require a whole lot of revamping alone (Classic and Brawl). The game has a few flaws but, with the exception of the crippled wifi play, they're all very easily forgivable and considerably outweighed by things the game completely nails. If you own a Wii, you should own Brawl.

(Note: Effective immediately Slothbot is ditching numerical scoring and switching over to a more universally understood letter grading system)

Super Smash Bros Brawl - the worst Nintendo game ever made?

No, of course it isn't, it's positively stellar, but sensationalist headlines get readers.
I'll write up a full review in the future.
As for first impressions - I've been playing the game for 9 1/2 hours straight with little more than the occasional bathroom break. So yeah, it's good.

Another good thing - I'll probably stop making updates about SSBB now that it's out.

The Wii must devolve to evolve

I've been skeptical of the Wiimote since the announcement that Nintendo's next gen system would be motion sensitive, fearing that all their games would end up being gimmicky and the whole thing would get old fast. I wish I could say that Nintendo has allayed these fears more than a year after the Wii's launch but, unfortunately, they haven't. The Wii has been a magnet for trash shovelware, phoned in remakes with tacked-on waggle and games that would be good if they didn't shoehorn motion sensing into them.

What can be done to fix the Wii's problems with game quality? Nintendo seems to have been the first to find the obvious solution: If you don't need the Wiimote - don't use it!

The upcoming first-party games Super Smash Bros Brawl and Super Mario Kart will both support a Wiimote turned on its side, a Wiimote and Nunchuck combo, a Wii Classic Controller and Gamecube Controllers. This is a great move on Nintendo's part since playing Smash Bros would get old real fast if I had to do an interpretive dance every time I wanted Link to throw a bomb.

This announcement should serve as a message to all of Nintendo's third party developers: Motion sensitivity is encouraged but it is optional.

Thriftbot: Super Paper Mario

Amazon.com has another good deal of the day today for Super Paper Mario. It's dropped $20 to $29.99 from the original $50.
This is one of the Wii's better games, so I'd recommend jumping on this while you can.

Also, don't forget, Amazon.com has video game related deals in their gold box lightning deals all day today, so keep your eyes peeled for other bargains, cheapskates.

Update: Their deal of the day, Super Paper Mario, has sold out along with their Lightning Deals for Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance, Metroid Prime 3 and MySims. There's only one more deal left at 9pm EST for a "super happy fun fun" game. My best guess would be Wario Ware: Smooth Moves. Better be quick if you plan on snapping these up, Metroid sold out in a matter of seconds (before I could snag a copy).

Another Update: the final game was The Simpsons Game. Needless to say, they're all gone by now.

[Amazon.com]

SSBB: Sonic Shame

The Super Smash Bros series has never hid the fact that it's Nintendo's masturbatory tribute to itself. All of Nintendo's characters, even the ones that have been out of work for years, all get a chance to get all gussied up and get back into the spotlight again with crisp, new 3d graphics, new animations and new, orchestrated scores.

Now that Nintendo is opening the Smash Bros doors to outsiders (Snake, Sonic) are they getting the same treatment? Well... Mostly.

Sonic, for example, does get the new graphical enhancement and animations, but the music - eh, hope you liked the Sega CD era "Sonic Boom" theme (below) that will be burning your ears with the scorching black flame of mid-90s cheesiness.

So what's Sonic's Final Smash? Watching tearfully while Mario takes a dump on a Dreamcast, Saturn and a 32X while giving him the finger? You just can't let the old "Sega does what Nintendon't" commercials go, can you, Nintendo? You trounced Sega years ago, end the shaming and let them have good, new music too. There is such a thing as being a bad winner, you know.

Smash Bros Brawl Tournaments Are Coming

Nintendo announced today that they will be holding tournaments for their highly anticipated Super Smash Bros Brawl across the country. Each location will allow for the first 256 people to participate in the tournament free of charge.

Each participant will receive a $10 Best Buy gift card. Regional winners from each tournament will go to New York City for the finals.

Grand prize:
A crystal-coated Wii with a design from Super Smash Bros. Brawl, a home theater system from Best Buy and a copy of the game.

2nd Prize:
A Wii, Wii Remote, a copy of Super Smash Bros. Brawl and a $1,000 Best Buy gift card.

3rd:
A Wii, Wii Remote, a copy of Super Smash Bros. Brawl and a $500 Best Buy gift card.

4th
A Wii, Wii Remote, a copy of Super Smash Bros. Brawl and a $250 Best Buy gift card.

The bad news is that if you don't live in the Northeastern US or California you're screwed unless you really like driving/flying. Dates and locations are as follows:

Feb. 16
Doors open at 3 p.m.
Orpheum Theater
842 S. Broadway
Los Angeles, CA 90014

Feb. 23
Doors open at 2 p.m.
Ten15 Folsom
1015 Folsom St.
San Francisco, CA 94103

March 1
Doors open at 3 p.m.
Worcester Polytechnic Institute
Olden Hall
100 Institute Road
Worcester, MA 01609

Finals:

March 8
Doors open at 5 p.m.
Best Buy (NOHO)
622 Broadway
New York, NY 10012

Since it's close by I'll probably be trying my hand at the Worcester tournament, failing miserably to the nerds that actually have strategies and tactics for this game and going home a $10 Best Buy card richer (and $30 in gas poorer). Anybody else thinking of attending?

Wii Games: They're Just Not Very Good

Next-Gen recently did some scouring around gamerankings.com and came to a conclusion that won't be too startling to people who have been paying attention to game releases over the past year - Wii games are horrible. How horrible? 64% horrible, to be precise. That's the average score for games on the Wii. Pretty terrible compared to Xbox 360's 70% and, surprise winner, PS3's 73%.

The article goes on to say that the Wii's low score is likely due to it being a more desirable target for shovelware (Jenga anybody?) and also because reviewers and developers don't fully understand the Wii yet. Though I do agree that the Wii is positively drowning in shovelware and that developers are having a hard time making games that feel like they were made for motion control rather than having motion controls shoehorned into a game that would be perfectly fine without them. I can't say I agree with the argument that reviewers don't understand the Wii though. The whole gameplay-over-graphics philosophy of the Wii is something a lot of reviewers agree with and were happy to hear about. The problem is that outside of a few titles (mostly first party) very few are any that I would recommend as must-haves.
[Next-Gen]

Rumorbot: A Torrent of SSBB Leaked Info

Looks like I was being something of a stick-in-the-mud yesterday, waiting for more certain confirmation of new characters and stages in Super Smash Bros. Brawl. New screens that sure seem to be legit have surfaced that have not only confirmed the items I was hesitant to confirm yesterday, but have also confirmed a slew of other SSBB info. Here's some shots below:



You'll notice some unannounced characters in the screenshot above, including:
Jigglypuff
Ganondorf
Falco
Windwaker Link (Toon Link)
Luigi
Mr Game & Watch
Captain Falcon
R.O.B. (Robotic Operating Buddy)

Unless Nintendo isn't nearly as OCD as I am, it looks like there's room for one more in that bottom row of characters, but, assuming these are all reliable, this accounts for just about everybody in the game.

As for stages:

Green Hill Zone (Sonic the Hedgehog)


Link's Ship (Windwaker)


Port City (F-Zero)


Mario Bros.


If you're done drooling you can check out Kotaku's article on the new info over here.

Rumorbot: New Smash Bros Info revealed in leaked intro?

If you're one of those failures at life that think learning some information that you would have found out within the first 12 seconds of playing the game counts as a spoiler, you'd do well to skip this bit. For all the rest of us:

A new trailer has set the Super Smash Bros Brawl (SSBB) fan community aflame today as the interwebs are flooded with nearly baseless speculation flying from all directions. Here's a few:

Ness and Marth are returning to Smash Bros!!



Though there is no SSBB update I'd like to hear more, Ness is still unconfirmed. Unfortunately, so is Marth. I hate to urinate on your picnic but, yes, the video does make it look like they're playable, but it's possible that Ness and Marth will simply be assist trophies or parts of the game's new storyline - not playable. Until we hear otherwise from the SSBB Dojo, it's all just speculation. After all, these guys are in the video too and they aren't playable:



Green Hill Zone is a playable stage!!


Like above, nothing has been confirmed in regards to Green Hill Zone being a playable stage. Though it would be nice, and downright likely, there's still no confirmation. The shot of Green Hill in the intro could simply have been rendered for the movie to show Sonic in his natural habitat.

Those are the big ones - check out the video below and I'm sure you'll be able to find more to get yourself excited over.

Thriftbot: Games on the Cheap

Do you like shooting aliens in the face? Do you like contrived sci-fi plotlines? Do you like being shot in the face by 12 year olds only to be called countless racist and homophobic slurs and be teabagged by them post-mortem? Then, if you’re one of the 4 Xbox360 owners that have yet to get their tickets onto the Halo 3 Hype-train now might be the time to do so.

Best Buy is currently serving up some Halo 3 for $38, $22 off the normal price.

I’d hop on it soon as this will probably be a limited time offer and I don’t foresee Microsoft’s multiplayer monolith getting another pricedrop like this until it inevitably becomes a “Greatest Hits” title.

---

If you own a Wii and, for some ungodly reason, do not yet own Zack and Wiki then now is your chance to experience one of the most excellent adventures since two dudes discovered a time traveling phone booth. Go buy now!

Why is it so important that you go out and buy this? Simple – if people don’t go out and buy good games, the good games don’t come back. Don’t let Zack & Wiki go the way of Psychonauts and Earthbound.

Need more incentive to pick it up? Fine, how about the fact that most retail outlets are carrying it for $10 off its already bargain price, dropping it to a svelte $30. I thought you’d see things my way. Now go buy!

Smash Bros. Brawl to Offer Demos for Classic Games

Smash Bros. Dojo is reporting that the ever-elusive Super Smash Bros. Brawl is going to have yet another new feature called "Masterpieces" - playable demos for classic games.



According to The Dojo the North American release will include:
Super Mario Bros.
Ice Climber
Legend of Zelda
Kid Icarus
Kirby's Adventure
Super Metroid
Star Fox 64


Fire Emblem and cult favorite, Earthbound (Mother 2) were also listed as being playable on the Japanese version of the site but were omitted from the North American release page. However, fans of these games (and others not listed), don't lose all hope - it was also mentioned that this is not a complete list of games and others will be able to be unlocked.

This new feature raises some questions for me. Namely, "Is this new feature awesome or kind of lacking?"

It's a nice new feature and unlocking new demos will add some replay value to the game, but after playing the Gamecube version of Animal Crossing where you could unlock full versions of classic Nintendo games - don't demos feel a little bit like going from filet mignon to half-eaten Big Macs?

Reviewbot: WarioWare: Smooth Moves (Wii)

Since its GBA inception nothing has delivered insane, ADHD-friendly fun quite like the Wario Ware series. The newest Warioware title, Smooth Moves, takes it off the handhelds and back to your TV for the first time since the Gamecube version 3 years ago. Previous versions have never been afraid to look silly, having players slice logs, pick noses and slather French fries with ketchup within the span of a few fleeting seconds, but Smooth Moves adds something new to the mix – now you get to look stupid too!

This time around the microgames are completed by holding the Wiimote according to the “stance” you are given before the next game is presented. For example, if you are shown that the stance for the next game is The Mohawk, then you will hold the Wiimote atop your head and prepare for the upcoming microgame. There are quite a few stances, all of which are designed to be as fun as they are silly-looking. You may look foolish in front of your friends when you play this, but trust me, it’s nowhere near as foolish as you’ll feel when you’re standing in your empty living room, all alone, doing squat thrusts with a plastic controller on your head and posing like a samurai, so let go of your inhibitions.

Fans of the series have reason to celebrate this installment. After smacking orange-thieving old men with a blackjack, lifting weights to the delight of a bunch of lions (above) or helping Mario hit blocks full of coins you’ll find that the games are just as absurdist and self-referential as ever.

Though it is a lot of fun the game isn’t without its problems. The Wiimote is generally very responsive and works great but there are a few games where the motion sensing is inordinately picky and requires you to be holding the Wiimote at just the right height and distance away from your television for a game to read it. This isn’t a huge problem and only affects a handful of the games but it’s still a pain to run into.

The much bigger problem in this game is the multiplayer mode. Lack of a multiplayer mode isn’t the problem. There is a handful of different multiplayer modes and the game supports play for up to 12 people. The problem is that everybody has to share the same Wiimote. The rationale from the game designers for this is that they wanted you to focus on watching and laughing at your friends rather than all playing at the same time and missing it. That certainly is a good point but I would much prefer that you recommend that I use 1 Wiimote rather than forcing me to.

Another unfortunate thing is that the game, much like all of its predecessors, is pretty short, clocking in at only a few hours from start to completion. Of course the real draw to this game isn’t so much the single-player offerings but, rather, the multiplayer.

Despite its multiplayer shortcomings the dull wasteland of abysmal party games that is the Wii’s game library, Warioware shines above the rest, putting its peers to shame.

out of 100